PTSD results from prolonged exposure to traumatic stress or to the posibility of such occurances. PTSD developes from being involved in unexpected firefights, or it may come from a such routines as driving in supply convoys through territories where there is a potential of ground attack or roadside IED bombs. The traumatic stress is constant in both cases, and without after-action help, the stress carries over even when threats are no longer present. EVERYONE WHO HAS BEEN IN COMBAT or in the theater where such stress is likely, has PTSD. It is just a matter of the degree in which its effects are evident to the soldier and/or to his/her observers.

The symptoms of PTSD are listed in every tome on the subject: startle reactions, nightmares, irritability, avoidance of stressful situations, addictions, etc. What I want to address here is the etiology of PTSD. Those who have experienced combat know well that if one is overcome by emotion in a fight, one will get killed. Soldiers quickly learn to deal with threats of the moment by suppressing feelings so one can respond instantaneously. When one returns to safety, spontaneous vomiting, or other delayed involuntary emotional reactions to what had occured are then commonly experienced. Often there are day or night dreams that relive or exaggerate the frightful event(s). The point is that the combattant learns to suppress his/her emotions over a period of time, which extends beyond the period of threat. Abreation or retelling the traumatic experience(s) begins the process of connecting one’s feelings with an event, and this process takes time (and sometime treatment) – even months or years. This breaks the practice (or “racket”) of keeping emotions appropriate to the stressful occasions of life in the UNCONSCIOUS MIND where they can control us, transposing them instead into the CONSCIOUS MIND where one can control the emotions and the related behaviors! It is common to hear a combat veteran, years after his trauma, respond to a former buddy at a unit reunion, “Damn you for making me remember !” But such is the very beginning of a healthy process for the one suffering from PTSD.

The family is the threshold for returning to society for the returning combat veteran. Many of the symptoms of PTSD have a negative, even frightening, effect on members of the family. One glaring sign of PTSD is when the returning soldier confronts problems or disliked responsibilities in the home or marriage, he/she retreats to the barracks, ship, or hanger to find buddies (which I call “the 2nd Family”) with whom previous bonding has been experienced, in avoidance of solving problems at home or in the family. When confronting potentially destructive symptoms of PTSD by the returnee’s loved ones, the spouse or parent needs to seek professional advice, rather relying on patience that may reach its limits with negative results.

PTSD is a normal reaction to the abnormal experience of combat or the continuous threat of trauma. Deployment experiences change every person involved – both those at home and those abroad. The Servicemember may have a difficult time accepting therapeutic help, thinking it is a sign of weakness – in his or her own eyes, or in the eyes of others or of one’s superiors. However, war is an overwhelming experience, and adjustment in the process of returning home and to society may require the understanding help of a trained outsider for adjustments to be made by both the veteran and his host family members. Such may expedite a fitting welcome to a normal life in close relationships and in peaceful surroundings.

So in the reunion, all will have changed, and encountering changes commonly will be met with surprise. Whether change involves authority or haircuts, surprises are to be expected. When Naval Aviators who flew off USS Oriskany left their wives, life – even married life – was very different from when some of them returned from the Hanoi Hilton seven years later. The once ladies-in-waiting learned to pound on the doors of Congress and to address the United Nations and Heads of State with demands to get their husbands freed and be given humane treatment as POWs. These genies were not ready to return to their bottles in February 1974, when their husbands returned.

Although this is an extreme example, it works similarly when the awaiting spouse has raised children, been employed, or learned to run a budget and get the car repaired in the absence of the one whose role usually involved these tasks. Appreciation, even though things have been done differently, rather than criticism, needs to be expressed. If spotlight is on the returning hero, that spotlight also needs to be shared.

Not every deployed soldier, sailor, or airman is making headlines facing the hardships and dangers of combat in Afghanistan. The majority of our personnel are supporting that war by guarding other borders or in uncelebrated duties at sea or involving logistics. Many are in other remote locations. They too have worked long and often thankless hours and need to be lauded and receive appreciation on return and when it is time for reunions.

Every deployment can end with a happy reunion, but returns involve shifts that involve changes, and positive adjustments require negotiation with those closest to each other.

Negotiation is an art to be discussed in a future writing.

Dr. Lester L. Westling, Jr., author of
When Johnny/Joanie Comes Marching Home: Reuniting Military Families Following Deployment